Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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