it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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