You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Randomize
