i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
