Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize