Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
