I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
