Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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