RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
