what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
