Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
