good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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