Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
