arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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