We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize