my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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