after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
