i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
