Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
