It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
