Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
