i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
