Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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