Non-Jews are for practice
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
