Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
