And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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