I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
