I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
