I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
