I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
