I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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