Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
