I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
