Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
