i would punch a child for taco bell
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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