I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
