I can tuck mytits in my pants
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
