um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
