I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
