I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
A bitchslap is in order.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
