i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize