i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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