I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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