i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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