That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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