I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
