I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
