I just made out with a guy for $7.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
