Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
