Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
