I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
