Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
