Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
