TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
