why didn't you poke me back
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
