once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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