Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
