Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
sarcasm needs its own font
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
