The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
