Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
