I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
