you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
