why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
