hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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