Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
