Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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