She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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