Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
