I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
