margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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