you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize