i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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