Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I need to calm my uterus...
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
These tits shall not be calmed
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
