I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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